Posted by: springsinthedesert | September 10, 2012

A Heartfelt Confession

Its been months since I have posted something on the blog. I have been really busy with few other things which needed most of my time. Moreover, I felt a need to take some time off from blogging to understand my current spiritual condition. Its not easy to pour out when you feel that your cup is empty. Most of the time, when one is busy with lot of things that involves church or ministry…you get a false impression that you are doing so much for the Lord…but to be do not realize that all those activities have just become a schedule in your life. When everything becomes a routine, passion is no longer present.

And therefore I decided to stop blogging until I found that passion. Meantime, God gave me many experiences which led me to mountaintops and also to the valleys. But in all those areas of life, I felt Holy Spirit encouraging me and leading to the right path, never letting me fall down or feel comfortable for long. Today, here am I asking Lord to use me again. Give me the fresh manna everyday and to understand the unspoken needs of others.

I thank God for all those special people in my life who contacted me and asked me how I’m doing. I thank God for all their prayers which comforted me at the right times. I humbly request all your valuable prayers for me and my family. Lets continue to have this fellowship with each other and with Him.May God Bless You All.


Rani John



  1. I’m so glad that you are in good hands, His Hands! You take the time you need and listen to Him. We’ll always be here, waiting and ready to learn from what He shows you! God bless you and yours abundantly!

  2. Hi Rani, It is really good to hear from you again.

    It is amazing how God works. Just amazing. I mentioned before how God showed me that what I went through is what Job went through, and then also what the Isralites went through in the desert when they were led out of Egypt to the promised land. Both of these experiences combined into one.

    It was hell. Hurt, pain, loss, anger, love, hate, demotivation, depression, lonely, enduring, no hope, fear, anticipation, longing, devastaton. Just some words – all mixed up together is how I felt. But God was always there.

    During my most difficult times in the wilderness, your posts were spot on and exactly what I needed to keep going and God was specifically speaking, encouraging and directing me through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit in you.

    During these two experiences I learnt about God, about obedience, about sacrifice, about forgiveness, about trusting Him completely. And I love Him. Wth all my heart. I love Him. And during this time He also showed me that He wants me to open and head up a non-profit organisation to reach the people of Africa, but that this plan is to be put on hold for the distant future.

    And then it got really better about 5 months ago, at the time when your posts were saying to keep marching around the walls of Jericho. And then satan took over once again in my circumstances. Almost exactly to the T how it happend when this all started about three years ago.

    God gave me an instruction last week. A very difficult instruction. A VERY DIFFICULT instruction. One I had to competely trust God on. Just like the Isralites had to look at Jericho, this immensely fortified city with its king and mighty men of valor, and not even flinch. They had to completely trust God on His instruction. Look at what He asks them to do. Get seven priests
    with seven horns (shofars) to go before the ark, as you walk around the city once for six straight days. Then on the seventh day they have to do it seven times then blow the horns and shout. What? Are you kidding? Do you remember what the people had done 40 years earlier when Moses spent a long time on the mountain? Or when Korah and his buddies rebelled? Can you imagine what they may have said if asked to do these things? “This is silly!” “What’s this supposed to do?” “Are you sure God
    said to do this?”

    These Israelites that went into Jericho (accept for Joshua and Caleb), were all under twenty years old or not even born yet when they left Egypt. They had grown up following God in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. They had come to completely rely on the Father sending them their
    daily bread every day except for the day before the Sabbath when they’d get a double helping of what they would need for two days. They had learned to deny themselves and be content with the manna God provided. They had seen that whining and complaining didn’t get you anything but trusting God gets you everything. Their minds had been completely renewed! They were ready and willing.

    It is necessary for us to renew our minds in order to be effective in spiritual warfare and to become great warriors against satan for the kingdom of God. Like basic training. To rely completely on God. And God showed me yesterday again that this is almost all over now, that I am in the process of entering the promised land, that for all my obedience in doing what He asked me to do through these two circumstances over the last three years, and each time for being obedient to His voice and instruction, there are blessings, and for what I have been through, there are many, many, many blessings waiting for me. And that He will answer my prayers.

    And now I am sitting in the position ‘When everything becomes a routine, passion is no longer present’. This is exactly where I am at the moment. How can one keep on going and doing something when there is no passion? Without passion you are not living. You are only existing. I want to shout out His name on the mountains. I want to live. I want to live for Him. This is enough now. I want to reach the people of Africa for Him.

    But my current situation does not allow me to. I have just got to believe that trusting and obeying God gets you everything. And even more than you ever could anticipate or expect.

  3. Dear rani,
    i almost cried when you didn’t blog ,am shalini ,when am in second level i came through your blog and made my faith strong ,n god restored my inheritance,when i smtimes feel about presence of God i was searching 4 recent posts.i prayed to god that to restore her spiritual passion ..,der r many like me who love ur blog

  4. Dear rani,
    iam very happy to c u ,i was checkng everyday for your recent posts since june 16 th, i cried to lord and prayed to restore your spirituality, i prayed to God to take care of u n ur family so that nothing can effect ur spirituality

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